A Hand Extended
An Invitation to Friendship
“… cette amitié, que nous avons nourrie, tant que Dieu a voulu, entre nous, si entiere et si parfaicte, que certainement il ne s'en lit guere de pareilles : et entre nos hommes il ne s'en voit aucune trace en usage. Il faut tant de rencontre à la bastir, que c'est beaucoup si la fortune y arrive une fois en trois siecles.”
“… this friendship which together we fostered, as long as God willed, so entire and so perfect that certainly you will hardly read of the like, and among men of today you see no trace of it in practice. So many coincidences are needed to build up such a friendship that it is a lot if fortune can do it once in three centuries.”
– From de l'Amitié, Montaigne, Essays, Book I Chapter 28
Michel de Montaigne and Étienne de La Boétie – a friendship so rare, it comes but once every three centuries, or so Montaigne claimed.
After much reflection on which thinker should inaugurate this Vox Philosophorum (voice of the thinkers, artists, writers, philosophers) space, I returned to Montaigne. I opened his Essays and turned to On Friendship.
We are all inclined toward friendship. More than that, we need it – genuine friendship. This quote is beautiful for many reasons, but most of all because it declares an ideal: a vision of perfect friendship that serves both as an aspiration and as a reminder of its rarity. Such a bond, Montaigne tells us, is an act of fortune. A gift, not a guarantee. And by stark contrast, even the more common kinds of friendship prove to be rare.
Montaigne devotes much of On Friendship to distinguishing different human relationships, building toward the picture of something singular: the friendship he himself experienced, one so profound that, in his words, “our souls mingle and blend with each other so completely that they efface the seam that joined them.” Such a thing, he claims, appears – with luck – maybe once every three centuries.
An ideal, then. So rare that one might call it fantastic. But Montaigne insists it is not. His friendship with Étienne de La Boétie, he tells us, was precisely this, an instance of that highest form. Fortune had granted it to him. We, reading this centuries later, might lament our lack of luck, while still admiring Montaigne’s.
However, my point is not to wallow but to aspire. Even if such an ideal is more or less beyond reach, the effort to approximate it is meaningful. True friendship proves itself through action, often in ways unimaginable until the moment arrives. And when it does, the proof is in the certainty that our friend will act on our behalf.
Why?
Because the person who helps, who comes to our aid, proves themselves to be our friend. A true friend. One who cares for our well-being – physically, mentally, emotionally.
This is the kind of friendship I hope to cultivate with you, dear reader. With each of you. Ideally. To what extent that is possible is another matter, but in theory – and as far as possible in practice – I make myself open, extending my hand, and welcoming whoever happens upon these words. I say this honestly. Openly. Wholeheartedly. I want your friendship. I hope for it.
I want to connect with you. I want you to read my work and grow with it as I grow too. I want you to tell me whatever you wish to tell me – so that I may grow from what you have to say. To offer support as needed, to inspire as opportunity allows.
If that leads you elsewhere, I will wish you well. But my hand will remain open to you, as a friend.
If I can convince you to stay – to believe in my words, my writing, my music, my art – then I will try to convince you of other ideas, positions, and outlooks as well.
Today, we are lonely and atomized. While we may never meet in person, we can connect genuinely, not merely para-socially, through words and the conversations they create.
Through care, we build solidarity. Through solidarity, we strengthen one another. And finally, through care and follow-through (my definition of friendship), we build power.
In recognition and disappointment at the loneliness and atomization that define our time, I offer this quote as an act of defiance. A hand extended in friendship. A reminder that human connection is essential, and that I remain committed to it. Committed to forging bonds that transcend distance and circumstance. A gesture of hope and welcome.
This invitation is open to all.
And so, I invite you to read and reflect on my work. May it stir and provoke, amuse and unsettle, dishearten and inspire. May it awaken your conscious reflection and that of your class, for it will challenge systems and point toward exits from their prisons. I hope to forge friendships with you—held in appreciation, admiration, and gratitude.
In unity, we strengthen. In disagreement, we learn.
“This is my practice: do as you see fit.”
– Terence